I just want to ramble....

This was the first August in over 16 years that I haven't been like the millions of other Americans returning to the classroom for a hues school year. I have been taking some involuntary time off from school... It is driving me nuts. While I like not having the stressful test schedule, three hours or more of homework every night, and all of the work that comes with school work. I do truly miss it. I feel like I am just at a standstill. Time is going by faster every day, but I don't feel like I am going anywhere. All of my closest friends are beginning their senior year, a year from now they will be starting their careers and I won't have anything.

I feel so lost, because I know that this break is actually GOOD for me. I have no clue what I want to go back to school FOR! I have two visions for my life and no clue which direction I want to go in. All I do know is I have no desire to go back to early childhood education, that job was not for me. I am so thankful I discovered that before I graduated. I do hate how much time I wasted pursuing that degree.

All around me I am surrounded by people who are perfectly content not haing a job. I also have the ones who are older than I am, but have settled with a job working barely over minimum wage. While I completely understand that everyone has their own view of success, I am still freaking terrified that this will be my future. At what point do dreams die? At what point do people settle? What will be my breaking point?

I have been so fusturated recently, because I feel like most of the people I am close to these days don't understand my need to be busy. They understand that I like it, but they just don't get why. Sometimes thou, I don't get why. If I am not busy I just feel, useless. In my grade school years I was always involved in after school activities. In college I did it all. Now that I don't have school, I am restless to fill the gaping hole in my life that school used to fill. Even though I was always skipping class (lol) my calendar was filled for every waking hour of the day. I was satisfied. I have been trying everything to make myself feel as satisfied. I am working a great part time job, that I love and am thankful for every day. I just started my own at home business working in the world of direct sales. I am having a great time with it, but even with my two jobs I am not feeling the same satisfaction.

So, I started a busy workout schedule. I am taking pole dance classes twice a week and Zumba when I don't have a Thursday wildtree tasting. Hopefully, satisfied or not, I'll lose some of this weight I have gained trying to fill my empty calendar with food.

I just don't know how to make myself truly happy. However, at the end of the day I wouldn't trade my life for any other. I sacrificed what I have always known, all of my routines, my comfort, my cravings for a full calendar for my out of this world amazing husband. I love the way my heart races when I hear his truck pull up outside the apartment.... Which he just did. :-)

Well, clearly I fail at keeping up with my blog. I renamed it and gave it a new background since I have also modified the theme of my present life. Good bye "Sailors, Coffee, and Life" and my old cafe' background.

I had a hard time deciding on a new theme for my blog. I don't have anything that really defines me.

My last layout was coffee themed to match my job as a barista at Gloria Jeans. I loved that job so very much. I most of all loved the people I worked with. However, I just couldn't keep working nights and weekends. It was taking me away from the time I have to spend with Rutsty, who is the whole reason I am here in the first place. I quit when we got back from our honeymoon. It was really hard. I was only there a short time in the grand scheme of things, but it hurt to leave. I miss it, but I am happy with the decision made and if I could do it again, the thing I would have changed is doing it sooner.

I am very happy at Edible Arrangements. The pay is good, I work with some great ladies, and I love the hours. I thought about changing my blog layout to match this job, however I just feel like a fruit theme layout is a bit much. ;-)

I don't want to go super navy pride, because honestly I am enjoying living a life where it is easy to forget we are a part of the navy. Yeah my husband works 14+ hour days in a uniform, but he comes home every night to me. It is getting harder to forget though. Last week we had to turn in our Navy "dream sheet" which really they may not even look at when deciding where we are sent next. It was still a nice thump in the head bringing me back to the reality, that in less than 6 months I may be moving from my wonderful home in South Carolina. There is still a chance we will be stationed here for another two years, but we can't count on it. We don't have plans for kids in the next few years so we are taking this opportunity to try to live on the west coast for a change. Our first choice is Hawaii, holidays will be tough, but that is the experience of a lifetime. Our second choice was San Diego. Third was Washington state. Fourth choice was any pacific port, I think this could mean Japan. Our final choice is Kings Bay, because if we don't get anywhere cool I might as well be able to finish my degree through VSU and be close to family. To be honest, I am just terrified of moving. I have about 5 more months to get over that I guess.

I will do my best to blog more, but I have said that about once a month or the past three months.

So, I know that 12:39a is not a crazy late evening and most nights in college this would still be considered an early night. Since my Valdosta days I have adjusted to more of a military schedule. Today though I decided to take a nap, now I am unable to even sit still on the couch. I am watching murder mystery shows and Rusty has been sleeping by my side for a good two hours now. He is really sweet, he doesn't want to go up to bed with out me. The challenge will be getting him off the couch when I am ready for bed.

Today wasn't the greatest day. I worked at EA, that was actually the highlight of my day. It was a short 2hr day so I was able to rush home to be with Rusty. We went to the farmers market downtown. This was something I have wanted to do for a few months now, and we finally had the chance. Unfortunately, when we got there it was just not a good experience. Rusty has the biggest test of his navy career (thus far) on Tuesday, he has to deal with other things on base, and he was really stressed and mentally preoccupied. So he was not enjoying himself, and he was pretty miserable to be around. I would have had more fun alone. We left with only two things of blueberries and ginger tea. I should have seen his bad mood coming, but it still really sucked. It was one of those days where it was easier to just not talk and then move on after a few hours of silence. Now we are good like nothing ever happened. The thing that still irks me is he was so stressed.... but he never went in to study or to do any of the other things occupying his mind.

Whatever... one week from now we will be on vacation and this weekend won't even matter.

Eh, I was gonna update about the rest of my life. But I think I just wanted to get that off my chest. That, and I took two tylenol pm tablets so the hour is starting to sink in.

I feel guilty for not blogging since I finished the 31 day challenge. This past week has FLOWN by. I seriously am clueless as to how it went by so quickly. Hmm... I worked a good bit. Spent some quality time with my man. (I had a free Saturday for the first time in almost two months!) Cleaned the house some, my mom is coming this weekend and I am so excited!

Life has been going pretty well. :-)

My biggest complaint is not being able to see Rusty nearly as much as I would like. Most of it is because of my job has me working mostly nights and weekends. I love that I can pretty much count on having Friday off to go out with Rusty and his friends at the end of the week, but I would really like to have more time to relax with him on the weekends. I still love my job though. Being a Barista is so much fun! It is even better, because I work with some pretty awesome people. I look forward to going in to work, because I always know I will be working with someone great. After being a part of the Georgia Hall staff last year, having great co-workers is ESSENTIAL to any job I have in the future. While I hate the hours, I still enjoy my job because of the great people I work with every day.

I almost went back to school for a pharm tech certification degree thing. It is a 6month program that a lot of my friends are doing, best part is it would be 100% free. However, after exploring the program a little more, I decided it truly wasn't for me. I think the man embellished how nice the job market is. Plus, medical isn't something I want to do forever (or even more than like 2 years lol). I just feel like it will be a waste of time. I am just going to wait until we are at our next duty station and finish school then. :-) I know it will make me happier in the long run.

Jasper is doing fantastic! He is such a sweet little dog. He had his third day :-) We were even able to take him to the dog park last weekend and I wasn't humiliated. :-P I really am so much happier with him in my life. Every day he does something to make me laugh.

Today I went to a couponing class and HOLY CRAP! That stuff gets confusing. I am going to try to up my game a bit. I don't know how extreme I can get with it, but I think I know a little more to get me going. :-)


I am bored with blogging for the evening since Rusty just got home. :-) Sorry there are no pictures!

Day 26 - A picture of your day

Today was actually pretty crappy. I spent another Saturday at Gloria Jeans. Don't get me wrong, I still love my job and the people I work with. However today, I was just not feelin the love. I just wanted to be with my husband on his day off. I knew working weekends were a part of the position when I was hired, I guess I just didn't really know it would be EVERY weekend. It is really hard for Rusty and I since the weekends are all he has. 

Again though, I love my job. I love making expresso drinks and chillers. I love meeting new people, even if our interaction is brief. I really am happy as a barista. It is just hitting me how close we may be getting to deployments and I feel like I am hardly seeing him as it is. We talked about me getting another job, but honestly that wouldn't even be worth it. In a few months he will be finished with power school and in prototype he won't have a set M-F schedule. Then I may RATHER work weekends. Today I was just really down about the whole thing though. :-( 

Since I was so down and mentally preoccupied I also didn't enjoy my job like usual. I didn't feel connected to my coworkers, kinda like the new kid again.... pushed out of the loop. I felt like they would intentionally wait to say things until I was not around. Just little things like that. It was probably just the mood I was in though. 

Sigh.... another wasted Saturday at Gloria Jeans...

I thought that slogan was kinda ironic. lol

Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change

The very first thing that I thought of was "the world." I would love to one day do something that has an impact a positive impact on the entire world. Honestly, I don't know if that will happen. I feel like I could have made it happen if I still wanted to be a teacher. Who knows I could have taught the alphabet to a future world famous author. I doubt it would have actually happened, but it is a nice idea to think about. I don't even know in what area I would want to change the world in. There are the classic, world peace, cure cancer, cure HIV/AIDS, exc that I could default on... but I am not sure which one I would choose. And come on, you are greedy if you say "all of it." While it would be cool to change the world, I don't even know what part of the world's problems is on the top of my list.

Okay, here is something that I wish i could change. It falls closer to my personal life. I wish i could change when Rusty and I got married. I wish we would have gotten married sooner, like over the summer. (We got married in October btw) I feel like I wasted so much by staying in Valdosta Aug-Dec. I am not even referring to extra time with Rusty, before he eventually deploys. I am more talking about time I wasted at VSU. I wasted so much money. Some I wasted by traveling to visit Rusty once a month. Most of it though was by the substantial amount of loans that I had to take out to be at VSU that semester. I hated my major, so even if those credits would transfer (which they won't) I don't enjoy the degree. One day (soon!) I will be paying all of that $ back and that thought just sickens me. On another note I wasn't pleasant to be around that last semester at VSU. The people I met didn't get to see my better, positive side. My friends from before probably did not appreciate my attitude change. I hated everything last semester. My grades were good, which looks good I guess, but again no where I will be traveling to will have the major or anything close to what I was doing so they do not care about those classes I took. I just feel like it was all a big waste.

Day 14- A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without.

Geeze. I am going to have to go with my amazing husband Rusty Furlow on this one. I know it is super cheesy that I keep using him for these categories. He is just so important to me and has had one HUGE impact on my life.

I never imagined I would get married so young and I CERTAINLY never imagined I would get married to a military man. When Rusty and I started dating I didn't even really like him. He had to basically beg for me to go out with him. It took awhile, but when I fell... I fell hard. Now I can't imagine my life without him. I recognize that I have different priorities than many women. I understand that how I have changed may make feminists cringe. I have changed my entire lifestyle to be with him. I feel like everything is completely worth it to be with him. I love knowing that I will spend the rest of my life with him.

Day 12 - A picture of something you love

Initially my first response to this is my husband Rusty and my dog Jasper. I feel like I keep using them to fill these categories and my blog in general. Time to look a little harder....

I love serving others. In high school I did this as a server and as a Christian doing missions work. At VSU I did this by being an RA and serving my residents. Now I am doing this as a Barista serving coffee to our guests. While some serving is "more important" than others, my life is much more satisfying when I have a serving aspect. 

I love making others smile. I am not the funniest person around, but I'd like to think I have some good moments. This also goes along with making people happy by serving. I like to be the person who goes above and beyond to make someone smile. I love being there for people in their best and worst days. 

Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the craziest things with

Hmmm... crazy? I'm not sure if I have really ever done something crazy. I guess if I were to start being crazy it would be with Rusty though. Someone I can trust to take care of me. 

Friends- What crazy things have I done?? I don't count drinking as crazy so exclude those stories....

Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh

:-) All for different reasons... Be prepared. I can't choose just one. And I have no desire to. :-) 

I am only loading pictures from the past year and a half. 

Hubby and the pup.

Jasper after a bath.

Oh come on, how can I NOT put this one up! I made a post about how much I loved it!

SVK Raptor.

Jake Raptor.

Our socks for initiation. I <3 my sisters.

This one makes me laugh, because of the video that went with it... HILARIOUS!

Oh Chris Reid. I could prob make this whole post about him lol.

Mary!!

Ummm...

Oh my hubby...

And again CReid...

She will kill me if she finds this was posted. I miss her.

Lord....

Schwasted! Oh Sally!

Here comes the choo choo....

He had no idea...

Note Brit and I on the right lol. We were having a moment.

When we were moving. :-)

He loves his banana puddin...

Sex book!

Pinky power! Inside joke from middle school.

Oh come on..

I'm tellin ya... CReid...

My old bosses...

Walkin the dog in an empty bar...

She didn't know him...

Ropes course...

Oh yes...

I miss my GA Hall friends.

That is all I am going to post for this one. :-) Yall may not find it funny if you don't know any of the people. But I love it!

In case you aren't from the Charleston area or if you missed the memo... today was freakin GORGEOUS!! Such amazing weather. :-) When I got off work I really wanted to go take Jasper to the dog park. I got home and the hubby was sleeping on the couch. It took awhile for him to get moving. But then we got in the car to go get Jasper to socialize! It is sooo important to me that we get Jasper to be a good sociable dog. Ugh I don't want to have "that dog".

Since Jasper is a fur ball he likes to be on the floor in the car. This way he can get some direct AC action, but still be with "the pack." Look how happy he is on the floor.

Unfortunately, the park apparently CLOSES at 5pm... wtf is up with that?? I don't know if that was just the park we went to or if it is a Charleston thing. Back in Snellville the parks don't "close". ALSO! It is like $1 to get in to the park. What is up with that? AGAIN is that just a Charleston thing?

Rusty knew how disappointed I was so he tried to fix things by taking me to a huge field on base. We had a great time. Although, it of course didn't do anything for socializing Jasper with other dogs, it was a really fun time for the three of us.

 Here are some pictures of Rusty and I:

Then I wanted to get some pictures of Jasper. Unfortunately he moves a lot so pretty much everything came out blury. I was using my phone for the pictures, so my expectations weren't super high lol.

Rusty running with Jasper.

My hubby holding Jasper so I could get a pic LOL Poor baby.

Once again my hubby saved the day and we had a great time. I love him for not giving up and giving me a great afternoon. :-)

I had an amazing Valentines day all around this year! I was actually WITH Rusty, unlike last year. He was in boot camp. That really sucked. Rusty really did everything he could to make it a great VDay. Of course my favorite moments involved food. We went to this awesome little italian place in Mt. Pleasant. I loved it.

It is so cute! I would totally post the name, it's not like I am trying to keep it a secret. However I am not sure how to pronounce it and I can't even google to find it since idk what it sounds like. Sorry readers... if there are any still out there!

I haven't gotten a pay check so my VDay gift to Rusty was making him one of his favorite meals (Jambalaya) and one of his favorite desserts, chocolate chip muffins.

That is the muffins before they were cooked. Cute little hearts and xoxo. The light chips are peanut butter chips. de-lish.

Now for the ULTIMATE part of my VDay gift... Rusty gave the okay for me to get a puppy!!! More will be posted later! :-)