I just want to ramble....

This was the first August in over 16 years that I haven't been like the millions of other Americans returning to the classroom for a hues school year. I have been taking some involuntary time off from school... It is driving me nuts. While I like not having the stressful test schedule, three hours or more of homework every night, and all of the work that comes with school work. I do truly miss it. I feel like I am just at a standstill. Time is going by faster every day, but I don't feel like I am going anywhere. All of my closest friends are beginning their senior year, a year from now they will be starting their careers and I won't have anything.

I feel so lost, because I know that this break is actually GOOD for me. I have no clue what I want to go back to school FOR! I have two visions for my life and no clue which direction I want to go in. All I do know is I have no desire to go back to early childhood education, that job was not for me. I am so thankful I discovered that before I graduated. I do hate how much time I wasted pursuing that degree.

All around me I am surrounded by people who are perfectly content not haing a job. I also have the ones who are older than I am, but have settled with a job working barely over minimum wage. While I completely understand that everyone has their own view of success, I am still freaking terrified that this will be my future. At what point do dreams die? At what point do people settle? What will be my breaking point?

I have been so fusturated recently, because I feel like most of the people I am close to these days don't understand my need to be busy. They understand that I like it, but they just don't get why. Sometimes thou, I don't get why. If I am not busy I just feel, useless. In my grade school years I was always involved in after school activities. In college I did it all. Now that I don't have school, I am restless to fill the gaping hole in my life that school used to fill. Even though I was always skipping class (lol) my calendar was filled for every waking hour of the day. I was satisfied. I have been trying everything to make myself feel as satisfied. I am working a great part time job, that I love and am thankful for every day. I just started my own at home business working in the world of direct sales. I am having a great time with it, but even with my two jobs I am not feeling the same satisfaction.

So, I started a busy workout schedule. I am taking pole dance classes twice a week and Zumba when I don't have a Thursday wildtree tasting. Hopefully, satisfied or not, I'll lose some of this weight I have gained trying to fill my empty calendar with food.

I just don't know how to make myself truly happy. However, at the end of the day I wouldn't trade my life for any other. I sacrificed what I have always known, all of my routines, my comfort, my cravings for a full calendar for my out of this world amazing husband. I love the way my heart races when I hear his truck pull up outside the apartment.... Which he just did. :-)

Day 15: A picture of something you want to do before you die.

I have a pretty extensive bucket list, but I have never actually taken the time to write it all down. Most of the things I want to do are actually things I want to learn. However, I'll go ahead and post a goal that I intend to accomplish fairly soon. 

I am taking this semester off, but not by choice. When I moved to SC my financial aid got messed up. I plan to go back to school and finish my undergraduate degree when Rusty and I move to our next station. SO that brings me to my first thing I want to do before I die. Complete my undergraduate degree and continue on and complete a masters or higher. I would love to get a doctorate one day, but I am not sure if that will happen.

Moving on to more of the things I want to learn about before I die. I want to know about coffee, tea, wine, and beer. I don't just want to know names of popular kinds. I want to know some of the trivia. I want to know what makes the drink good or not. I want to learn about the process in which the drinks are made. 

I am currently working on the coffee knowledge by working at Gloria Jean's. I am not really studying it, but I definitely know more now than I did a month and a half ago. 

I would love to work at a Teavana to learn about tea, the same way I am learning about coffee at Gloria Jeans. When I say I want to know about tea I don't mean southern sweet tea. I am talking about white tea, green tea, oolong tea, black tea, herbal tea, rooibos tea, and mate. 

The last two are the booze lol. First I need to acquire a better taste for these beverages before I embark on a knowledge quest! :-)

There are more things I want to do before I die, but honestly I am typing this at 7am so I really don't have much motivation to keep going. I'm tired. I want to sleep in some more and then have a relaxing day at Isle of Palms.