I just want to ramble....

This was the first August in over 16 years that I haven't been like the millions of other Americans returning to the classroom for a hues school year. I have been taking some involuntary time off from school... It is driving me nuts. While I like not having the stressful test schedule, three hours or more of homework every night, and all of the work that comes with school work. I do truly miss it. I feel like I am just at a standstill. Time is going by faster every day, but I don't feel like I am going anywhere. All of my closest friends are beginning their senior year, a year from now they will be starting their careers and I won't have anything.

I feel so lost, because I know that this break is actually GOOD for me. I have no clue what I want to go back to school FOR! I have two visions for my life and no clue which direction I want to go in. All I do know is I have no desire to go back to early childhood education, that job was not for me. I am so thankful I discovered that before I graduated. I do hate how much time I wasted pursuing that degree.

All around me I am surrounded by people who are perfectly content not haing a job. I also have the ones who are older than I am, but have settled with a job working barely over minimum wage. While I completely understand that everyone has their own view of success, I am still freaking terrified that this will be my future. At what point do dreams die? At what point do people settle? What will be my breaking point?

I have been so fusturated recently, because I feel like most of the people I am close to these days don't understand my need to be busy. They understand that I like it, but they just don't get why. Sometimes thou, I don't get why. If I am not busy I just feel, useless. In my grade school years I was always involved in after school activities. In college I did it all. Now that I don't have school, I am restless to fill the gaping hole in my life that school used to fill. Even though I was always skipping class (lol) my calendar was filled for every waking hour of the day. I was satisfied. I have been trying everything to make myself feel as satisfied. I am working a great part time job, that I love and am thankful for every day. I just started my own at home business working in the world of direct sales. I am having a great time with it, but even with my two jobs I am not feeling the same satisfaction.

So, I started a busy workout schedule. I am taking pole dance classes twice a week and Zumba when I don't have a Thursday wildtree tasting. Hopefully, satisfied or not, I'll lose some of this weight I have gained trying to fill my empty calendar with food.

I just don't know how to make myself truly happy. However, at the end of the day I wouldn't trade my life for any other. I sacrificed what I have always known, all of my routines, my comfort, my cravings for a full calendar for my out of this world amazing husband. I love the way my heart races when I hear his truck pull up outside the apartment.... Which he just did. :-)

Life has been such a blur the past few weeks. I have no clue where the month of April went! Oh and before I forget...

Now that we got that out of the way... yeah holy shit it is already May! That means I have been living in SC for almost half of a year. I have been working at Gloria Jeans for three months. Rusty graduates power school next month. Just so much has happened and is about to happen. 

Wanna know what I have been up to? Wanna know what I am currently up to? 

No?

Okay you can stop reading right here. 

Currently, I am just enjoying sitting down. Both of my feet are propped up on the sofa and I am just loving having some quiet time. Rusty is studying. Jasper is chewing... on my fucking sock. Ugh. I give him so many toys, chew sticks, and he decides he will chew on my sock. Yeah, I just noticed that as I was writing. Too bad this isn't a video blog, yall would have had some legit entertainment! Oh well, I need to buy new socks anyways... 

I am mentally and physically preparing myself for another holiday at Edible Arrangements! This time I am an actual employee. A few weeks back (around the time I stopped blogging for a bit) I started looking for a second job. By chance, this was also the time that Edible Arrangements was hiring! Talk about good timing. I started looking for a job, because I only work about three days a week at Gloria Jeans and that leaves me with a lot of bored downtime while Rusty isn't home. When I could get extra hours at GJ it was when Rusty was at home. Now, I have two jobs and a lot less time just sitting around on my couch. :-) I am much happier this way.

I am really liking working at Edible Arrangements so far. I found another job with great supervisors and coworkers. The work is fun and the time passes by quickly. I just wish there was music. I am actually NOT working at the same location that I worked at on Valentines Day. So, I really and truly am the new kid. I hate being new, but since I worked as a temp before I don't feel QUITE as awkward. :-/ I am EXTREMELY thankful I got this job. It keeps me moving, it is unique, it has GREAT hours, it pays really well, and I work with great people. 

Gloria Jeans is going well. I really do consider my coworkers some of my best friends here. I wish we could hang out together outside of the coffee shop, but there is always someone working. :-( My only complaint is one I have had all along, I don't have weekends unless I ask for them. I hate not having my time off coordinating with Rusty's. I moved here (SC) to be with my husband and allow us to get our lives started together, side by side, before he deploys. I just hate that our schedules don't sync up. I know my boss does try though. Next week my schedule is only one closing shift and I have Sunday off. It is a lot better than some weekends. I think eventually I will need a set schedule. I may be trained to close, and I actually wouldn't mind closing two times a week as my only shifts there. Honestly, I just want to stay there, because I love the job so much. I would miss it every day if I were to leave. Every day some one at EA has asked me why I am still working there, I have a true love for Gloria Jeans and the people that work there. We will see how it all plays out. I just know it would break my heart to leave my family at Gloria Jeans. 

On a different note... my car is finally fixed 2 months later! I have a working headlight, a hood that opens, and an oil change. :-) I am glad that I have one less thing off my mind. 

Jasper is doing well. I wish I could get him in to intermediate training classes, but I am going to have to wait until my life settles down a little bit first. I am always so tired, learning how to do a new job is EXHAUSTING! Meanwhile I feel bad that I haven't gotten to take Jasper to daycare or to the park in two weeks. :-(

Well, that is basically my life right now. Work, work, wanting to spend more time with Rusty, and Jasper. I really feel like I have lost most of my navy wife friends. :-( It sucks, but since I have two jobs I don't have time to just hang out at someone's house during the day, go over to watch TV at night, exc. It just hasn't worked out well for me. I miss having social time, I hope once I am finished training at EA and maybe get more of a set schedule at GJ my life should be balanced and I can start all over again and try to make friends with the navy wives. :-( I didn't even get to say goodbye to my friend Katy before she left for New York. I am really upset about that. :-(

Every time I get a chance to sit down and catch my breath, I feel like it is time to work again. Despite 15 hour work days and my crazy schedule, I am really happy with where I am in my life. :-)

Now I am going to go back to being lazy and relaxing before I begin 5 days of Mother's Day insanity at Edible Arrangements!

I might need to start a new photo challenge to force myself to blog again. I miss it. I have just been so crazy busy these past few weeks. I really haven't had much time to myself.

The only reason I am not out running errands, working, or doing something else of that nature is, because I am at the auto repair shop getting my car worked on. This is something that I have needed to do for about two months now. Oops! It all started when I noticed my headlight was out. I made the hubby fix that since I don't even know where to replace a headlight! In the process of attempting to replace my headlight, Rusty discovered that my hood was broken! He couldn't get that latch thing to work. It took awhile, but I did get around to going to get that fixed.... well sorta. One day I took it to the walmart auto shop and they told me that I needed to take it to a legit shop that would have some special tool. Soooo... I had to do some research about where to go. That took way more time that it should have. During this time I also became overdue for an oil change. Ugh. Yeah so now I have three things messed up in my little honda. :-(

Well here I am at the shop and this very nice man Charles just informed me that they have been tinkering with my car for a few hours and cannot get anything accomplished. Oh fuck. He mentioned things about maybe having to take apart my bumper, this that and the other. Idk what is going to happen. they are only open Monday through Friday. I don't know when I can get with my husband, get an ENTIRE day off from both jobs to be carless. I am going to need a friend to help me out. :-/ I don't know who since most of my closer friends here share a car with their husbands. Maybe I can get my Monday or Tuesday shift covered at Gloria Jeans and do it then... ugh. This is fusturating.

I don't even feel like blogging anymore. I am so upset about what to do.