I just want to ramble....

This was the first August in over 16 years that I haven't been like the millions of other Americans returning to the classroom for a hues school year. I have been taking some involuntary time off from school... It is driving me nuts. While I like not having the stressful test schedule, three hours or more of homework every night, and all of the work that comes with school work. I do truly miss it. I feel like I am just at a standstill. Time is going by faster every day, but I don't feel like I am going anywhere. All of my closest friends are beginning their senior year, a year from now they will be starting their careers and I won't have anything.

I feel so lost, because I know that this break is actually GOOD for me. I have no clue what I want to go back to school FOR! I have two visions for my life and no clue which direction I want to go in. All I do know is I have no desire to go back to early childhood education, that job was not for me. I am so thankful I discovered that before I graduated. I do hate how much time I wasted pursuing that degree.

All around me I am surrounded by people who are perfectly content not haing a job. I also have the ones who are older than I am, but have settled with a job working barely over minimum wage. While I completely understand that everyone has their own view of success, I am still freaking terrified that this will be my future. At what point do dreams die? At what point do people settle? What will be my breaking point?

I have been so fusturated recently, because I feel like most of the people I am close to these days don't understand my need to be busy. They understand that I like it, but they just don't get why. Sometimes thou, I don't get why. If I am not busy I just feel, useless. In my grade school years I was always involved in after school activities. In college I did it all. Now that I don't have school, I am restless to fill the gaping hole in my life that school used to fill. Even though I was always skipping class (lol) my calendar was filled for every waking hour of the day. I was satisfied. I have been trying everything to make myself feel as satisfied. I am working a great part time job, that I love and am thankful for every day. I just started my own at home business working in the world of direct sales. I am having a great time with it, but even with my two jobs I am not feeling the same satisfaction.

So, I started a busy workout schedule. I am taking pole dance classes twice a week and Zumba when I don't have a Thursday wildtree tasting. Hopefully, satisfied or not, I'll lose some of this weight I have gained trying to fill my empty calendar with food.

I just don't know how to make myself truly happy. However, at the end of the day I wouldn't trade my life for any other. I sacrificed what I have always known, all of my routines, my comfort, my cravings for a full calendar for my out of this world amazing husband. I love the way my heart races when I hear his truck pull up outside the apartment.... Which he just did. :-)

I posted earlier that the hubby was going to let me get a puppy for vday. I have been visiting multiple animal shelters, checking craigslist, petfinder, and other sites for a few weeks now looking for the right puppy. A navy wife posted on the group that she works at a kennel. I asked her if she had any breeders come in that she knew of. She didn't, but she did know that the brother of her pomeranian puppy was still available.

This is her baby. Super cute!!

Well... I called the breeder and planned a trip an hour and a half away to the boonies. I even got tow of my good friends Morgan and Katherine to join me. It was a really fun trip!

It was in the middle of NOWHERE! 

The breeder had horses and this creature who seemed really interested in us.

I was just goofing around.

Smallest mailbox numbers ever. We had a hard time finding the place.

Here is her trailer. Ummm... yeah. 

We stayed for about an hour and I fell in love with the puppy. :-)

Well worth the trip! I came home and got the okay from Rusty to get him the next day. Sooo... Wednesday morning I woke up SUPER early to get everything for the puppy. 

Apparently there are seagulls at 6am in the Walmart parking lot.

I was there too. Yuck. I really HATE walmart. But you can't be too picky at 6am.

I spent so much time here. I didn't even get half of the stuff on my list!

Since Walmart did not meet all of my doggie needs, I later had to make a trip to petsmart. That one went a lot better. I was going to photo document the whole journey, but I was running short on time after Walmart disappointed me. 

I picked him up at a random exit off 26... which I missed the first time... oops.

He is so good in the car!

So far he has been SUCH an awesome little doggie. Potty trained. Well, he had one accident tonight, but I think that was just because the hubby didn't take him out enough while I was at work. But just once in three days is good enough for me! He is super sweet. 

Last night I learned he is better with humans than other dogs. I went over to Jessica's house and we tried to get our dogs to play together, Mine wasn't so good at it.... Bailey (her dog) was soooo good though. Even when my dog was being a little brat and snapped at him.

Awful picture, but the other one I took was worse.

It was hard to pick a name for him. I had several ones that almost made the final cut: Samuel Adams, Klondike, Lance, Nevil, Kodiak, Fritz.... the list goes on... but I ended up with Jasper and I love it!

It has been really expensive. Today we got a fairly large vet bill. Totally worth every penny. My life just feels complete now that I have a dog. :-) Things are going great!