I just want to ramble....

This was the first August in over 16 years that I haven't been like the millions of other Americans returning to the classroom for a hues school year. I have been taking some involuntary time off from school... It is driving me nuts. While I like not having the stressful test schedule, three hours or more of homework every night, and all of the work that comes with school work. I do truly miss it. I feel like I am just at a standstill. Time is going by faster every day, but I don't feel like I am going anywhere. All of my closest friends are beginning their senior year, a year from now they will be starting their careers and I won't have anything.

I feel so lost, because I know that this break is actually GOOD for me. I have no clue what I want to go back to school FOR! I have two visions for my life and no clue which direction I want to go in. All I do know is I have no desire to go back to early childhood education, that job was not for me. I am so thankful I discovered that before I graduated. I do hate how much time I wasted pursuing that degree.

All around me I am surrounded by people who are perfectly content not haing a job. I also have the ones who are older than I am, but have settled with a job working barely over minimum wage. While I completely understand that everyone has their own view of success, I am still freaking terrified that this will be my future. At what point do dreams die? At what point do people settle? What will be my breaking point?

I have been so fusturated recently, because I feel like most of the people I am close to these days don't understand my need to be busy. They understand that I like it, but they just don't get why. Sometimes thou, I don't get why. If I am not busy I just feel, useless. In my grade school years I was always involved in after school activities. In college I did it all. Now that I don't have school, I am restless to fill the gaping hole in my life that school used to fill. Even though I was always skipping class (lol) my calendar was filled for every waking hour of the day. I was satisfied. I have been trying everything to make myself feel as satisfied. I am working a great part time job, that I love and am thankful for every day. I just started my own at home business working in the world of direct sales. I am having a great time with it, but even with my two jobs I am not feeling the same satisfaction.

So, I started a busy workout schedule. I am taking pole dance classes twice a week and Zumba when I don't have a Thursday wildtree tasting. Hopefully, satisfied or not, I'll lose some of this weight I have gained trying to fill my empty calendar with food.

I just don't know how to make myself truly happy. However, at the end of the day I wouldn't trade my life for any other. I sacrificed what I have always known, all of my routines, my comfort, my cravings for a full calendar for my out of this world amazing husband. I love the way my heart races when I hear his truck pull up outside the apartment.... Which he just did. :-)

Day 28 - A picture of something you are afraid of

Oh man... do yall want the physical or the emotional?? Haha!

Here is something... JELLY FISH! I am so freaked out by the idea of being stung by one. I have been told that at the beaches here it is going to happen and I just need to get over it. But oh my goodness!!

Okay. Another fear I have was discovered this time last year while Rusty was in boot camp. I know it is silly, but I am so worried that when Rusty deploys he will "fall out of love with me". Like when he gets back he won't want to be married to me any more. Or that he will love being out at sea and he will want to leave me every chance he gets. Silly, I know. Just one of those nagging thoughts in the back of my mind. :-(

Day 11 - A picture of something you hate

I really hate all of the drama associated with being a navy wife. I feel like it has just gotten increasingly bad recently. Everything I say and/or post I feel like has to be watered down and censored. I hate not being able to be myself around here. While someone can easily say "just leave the FB groups" I like to be ABLE to continue to meet people. Also, people post a lot of questions that I may have myself down the road. 

I was involved with some "private" drama a little over a month ago. I learned that even though people say they want feedback and input, they really only want to hear the positives. I gave my opinion and ended up getting hurt because of it. This person said some pretty mean things about me, when my contact with her was not malicious.  Now I feel like I am walking on eggshells with every post I make on FB. I hate that it all happened. People that I have never even met don't like me, because of things that were said behind my back. I try not to let it get to me too much, because I know my intent wasn't to cause drama or upset anyone, but it does hurt.  

I started keeping to myself more after that drama and I am just now opening up again. I am thankful that I am not a wife that sits around all day on FB, I actually have a job! I think the only excuse not to have a job that these girls have are the ones pregnant or already have children. Other than those two categories, these girls need to get off their butts and get a job! Yeah, you will have to work sometimes when your hubby is home. That completely sucks, but really it is worth it. I feel like a MUCH better person now that I have a job. My marriage is also much better because of it. 

Before I start with today let me share two pictures that made my day better from Tuesday I think.....

Yep, Tuesday. I had to take Jasper to the vet & petsmart. I now really love having an extra excuse to go to "the" Mt Pleasant. It means I get McAlisters and Cupcake. I got the white chocolate raspberry cupcake and it was by far my favorite cupcake so far! I loooved it! 

The second picture was of the classical music pandora station for my puppy. I hate leaving him home alone. It was suggested that I leave classical music for him when I leave. I don't think it helps him, but it helps me drown out his cries when I am locking the door. 

Wednesday was an especially traumatic day for my little pup. I couldn't find anyone to let him out while I worked a 7hr shift so he was alone all day. He got himself stuck behind our dryer and messed up our dryer vent. We rearranged the laundry room a bit so it won't happen again. I also found someone who lives in my apartment complex to help me out and walk him on my long work days. 

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Anyways. Today was a wonderful day. I had a full day off and got to spend it with some wonderful ladies. 

First Morgan, Kristen, Nicole, and I went to Mt. Pleasant for a trip to Cupcake. it was super fun. I tried Death By Chocolate. I couldn't finish it, it was so rich! I should have gotten a picture, but I was way too distracted by food.

(I just found this picture on their website. My cupcake looked better than this one actually!)

When we got back to the Goose. We dropped Kristen off and then I tagged along with Morgan and Nicole to "Spouse INDOC" It was actually a crappy day to go since a few of the speakers dropped out at the last minute. But we had fun. I took a few random pictures...

Going on base. Really nothing special now that I have a military ID, but since it was the start of our "adventure" I felt I needed to document.

One of our "guides" I think this was when he was telling me one of our speakers was MIA.

Nicole, Morgan, and Sarah. :-) Wonderful navy wives! I was going to get a picture of the 4 of us, but totally forgot. According to Sarah, my outfit wasn't up to par anyways. It was my day off so I was wearing my comfy "white girl" nike shorts. Mmm... comfy clothes <3

They gave us so much info!

This was the tricare lady... she is so cool she wears her shades on the inside. It cracked me up!

I am glad I was able to go, I did learn a lot. It did make me thankful I am taking a semester off of school though! I forgot how much it sucks just sitting and listening to someone talk lol. 

After Spouse INDOC we went to SUBWAY! I was so excited about food. You have no idea. Unfortunately the staff was hecka rude and the dude only gave me like 8 olives for my whole footlong. Booo... 

It was still a fantastic day off. :-)