I just want to ramble....

This was the first August in over 16 years that I haven't been like the millions of other Americans returning to the classroom for a hues school year. I have been taking some involuntary time off from school... It is driving me nuts. While I like not having the stressful test schedule, three hours or more of homework every night, and all of the work that comes with school work. I do truly miss it. I feel like I am just at a standstill. Time is going by faster every day, but I don't feel like I am going anywhere. All of my closest friends are beginning their senior year, a year from now they will be starting their careers and I won't have anything.

I feel so lost, because I know that this break is actually GOOD for me. I have no clue what I want to go back to school FOR! I have two visions for my life and no clue which direction I want to go in. All I do know is I have no desire to go back to early childhood education, that job was not for me. I am so thankful I discovered that before I graduated. I do hate how much time I wasted pursuing that degree.

All around me I am surrounded by people who are perfectly content not haing a job. I also have the ones who are older than I am, but have settled with a job working barely over minimum wage. While I completely understand that everyone has their own view of success, I am still freaking terrified that this will be my future. At what point do dreams die? At what point do people settle? What will be my breaking point?

I have been so fusturated recently, because I feel like most of the people I am close to these days don't understand my need to be busy. They understand that I like it, but they just don't get why. Sometimes thou, I don't get why. If I am not busy I just feel, useless. In my grade school years I was always involved in after school activities. In college I did it all. Now that I don't have school, I am restless to fill the gaping hole in my life that school used to fill. Even though I was always skipping class (lol) my calendar was filled for every waking hour of the day. I was satisfied. I have been trying everything to make myself feel as satisfied. I am working a great part time job, that I love and am thankful for every day. I just started my own at home business working in the world of direct sales. I am having a great time with it, but even with my two jobs I am not feeling the same satisfaction.

So, I started a busy workout schedule. I am taking pole dance classes twice a week and Zumba when I don't have a Thursday wildtree tasting. Hopefully, satisfied or not, I'll lose some of this weight I have gained trying to fill my empty calendar with food.

I just don't know how to make myself truly happy. However, at the end of the day I wouldn't trade my life for any other. I sacrificed what I have always known, all of my routines, my comfort, my cravings for a full calendar for my out of this world amazing husband. I love the way my heart races when I hear his truck pull up outside the apartment.... Which he just did. :-)

Tonight was kinda rough for me. I was really tired from work and then Rusty and I got in a fight. He spent all evening sleeping upstairs (he is still up there as I type this). Don't worry, it isn't something that we won't get past. It just hurts. 

Today my friend from VSU, Jake showed me the conference bid for the conference that was supposed to be our "baby" before I decided to get married and leave my college life. He did such a good job and I am so proud of him and VSU as a whole. Reading the bid made me REALLY homesick for my college life at VSU. I miss my friends, my involvement in housing, SAACURH, and GRHO. I got really upset about how I am having a hard time keeping in touch with everyone. I made it worse by stumbling upon a FB profile of a guard friend that I had a falling out with at the end of my time at VSU. Just everything that I left behind last semester was hurting. I do not regret leaving, but I wish I could have both worlds sometimes.

So I have spent the evening feeling really down. I tried to sleep it off, and was to restless to fall asleep. I couldn't get Rusty to wake up and get dinner with me and we didn't have anything in the house to eat. I wasn't feeling up to getting dressed in jeans and even getting take out. I decided to cheer myself up a bit by just eating ice cream for dinner. Somehow our freezer was cracked open for idk how long and my ice cream was melted. :-(

Thankfully my friend Morgan sent me a facebook message and really cheered me up. Her hubby was also being kinda lame tonight and so we decided instead of sitting alone in our PJs on our separate couches we would go out for frozen yogurt in our favorite place, "The" Mount Pleasant. Nicole's man was out late with silly school things and her and Morgan were already talking so she joined us on our adventure. Our one rule, no fixing our appearances. We went as we were on our couches :-)

I had to take Jasper on our adventure, because he cheers me up. I can't cry looking at that sweet face on my car floor. 

After Jasper and I picked up the ladies we headed over to Mt. Pleasant to this frozen yogurt shop called Menchies. 

They had tons of flavors to choose from! I went with apple pie! :-)

Here is Morgan with her tasty treat! It was fun trying to figure out what to put in our yogurt.

There were so many choices!

Yummmm....

Here is mine. Apple pie yogurt, cinnamon apple bits, cheesecake bites, and graham cracker topping. DE-LISH! 

Here is an awkward picture of the three of us. :-)

Those people behind us were super annoying... Jasper agreed lol...

These two ladies totally turned my night around and I am so very thankful that they are in my life! :-) I do want to give some credit to my friend Jessica too, because she checked up on me when she found out my night was less than to be desired. I may not be surrounded by tons and tons of friends up in SC, but the few that I consider my actual friends sure are wonderful.